I told you there was more! For those of you just tuning in, you’ll notice (hopefully) from the headline that this is the second part of a story, so if you need to catch up, check out part one.

Where did we leave off? Oh yes, dinner conversation. By this time, I had decided that this relationship was obviously not going to work out, but in an effort to avoid being turned into a human lampshade, I remained pleasant and interested.

Cat dude liked to talk. A lot. About everything. Now, I’m not quite sure how this topic of conversation came up, but at one point he told me that “there are definitely people living on Mars, and the moon is absolutely colonized by now, it’s just a really well kept secret.”

It’s difficult to suppress a look of horrified judgement when someone says this to you with such seriousness and genuine belief. He went on further to explain that aliens already inhabit the Earth, they just see how F’d up humans are to each other, so they keep their existence a secret for fear of panic and harm. (Maybe cat dude is BFF with this guy:

Obviously I made it out of there alive and thank the heavens I had the good sense to not tell him where I lived. There was that one time I was walking to Starbucks downtown when I heard someone honk and yell my name, looked up and it was him. He doesn’t live or work in Portland. (So creepy… The aliens must have used their mind powers to tell him I was going for coffee at that moment.)

If there was anything I learned here, it was that people can hide crazy, so pay attention. Also, definitely keep some personal details (like your address) to yourself until concluding that the other person isn’t a complete wackadoddle.