I tend to choose guys who are active and generally healthy because health/fitness is important to me. So, when I met Protein Shake and discovered that he was a personal trainer I thought, “Sweet! A guy who can workout with me and won’t get weird when I don’t feel like drinking!”

There is, however, a necessary balance to all things and Protein Shake couldn’t see that line.

We had a couple nice dates. We’d talk about our favorite workouts, his training style vs my trainer’s style and healthy eating. He was gluten free- apparently he had a sensitive tummy and carbs typically didn’t agree with him, although he didn’t have a defined medical condition. All fine- whatever works for your body, right?

Date three rolls around and we made plans to have sushi and then go to his place for a movie (Go ahead, take moment of skepticism/judgment, but know that my intentions were pure.)

We’re sitting at dinner talking about what rolls to order and he says something to the effect of “I only eat sashimi because I really can’t handle the rice.” In my head I’m thinking “Wow, white rice is going to take this kid down??” You don’t get much more Sally than that and I could hear my brothers cackling in my head.

During dinner, I have an awkward moment with some soy sauce and spill it on the table. Instead of just helping me clean it up or laugh, he immediately says “I’m so glad that didn’t get on my fish, because I would have had to order new food.” Apparently soy sauce was akin to kyptonite.

After dinner, we head over to his place and as I walk in, all I see is rows of protein powders, supplements, two different blenders and a bunch god knows what else from GNC. Now, I use protein powder, but this was a level of excess that I couldn’t understand.

It gets better (or worse, depending on your point of view).

By this time, I know it’s probably not going to work out between us, but we start watching a movie and about 30 min in I’m doing the internal “ok, I’m done. How do I get out of here?” planning. Then he turns to me and says “So, are we gonna do this?”

Ah, excuse me? … Right there, people, is the definition of a jackass.

My response? Yeah, see ya later, Romeo. Enjoy your protein shake.