This post is about the stupid, ridiculous and awful things people have said to or messaged me as our initial point of contact. Keep in mind that the majority of these messages were via an online dating site, meaning each person had time to write something, think about it and then decide  “yes, this is how I want to present myself to another person.”

 “Hey, want to go lingerie shopping with me?”

(ah… No. Delete. Block.)

“Text me a sexy photo”

(He clearly wanted to be my best friend forever)

“Want to fool around 2day?”

(Are you kidding me right now?) 

“Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂  🙂 :)” 

(My eyes are bleeding)

“hey”

(Don’t strain yourself there, bud)

“How R U 2Day?”

(You need a high five to the face with a dictionary)

Sadly, I’m not alone here. Some of my friends have experienced this horror as well.

“Well well, aren’t you just a dandy.”

(WTF does that even mean?? This was an actual message to a friend of mine. We’ll call him “Backwards Hat.”)

“Well hello big dollop. When was the last time you ran as fast as you could?”

(This was to one of my colleagues. Yes, the first one is a movie quote but not used well at all and the second part? He was probably trying to assess her fitness level for a kidnapping plan)

 Lesson? First impressions matter, so use your brain.